Per my introduction by Malicious Intent, I am one pissed off bitch that has a lot to say. This blog has taken me days to write due to its bizarre nature (to me) and the hurt that this issue has caused me. When I mention the word "SWING" what comes to your mind? I personally think of a spring day and children playing at the playground. You know what I mean, happy, joyful and PURE thoughts, not the act of SWAPPING my partner! I have gotten an education on this lifestyle, not by choice I might add, it was more like getting cracked in the head with a baseball bat! This lifestyle presented itself to me in a very shocking way. I dated "Prince Charming" who we will call "Dick" for short (because the name suits him so well) for 6 months. He led me to believe that we were sharing a fulfilling, loving relationship. You know what I mean, when a relationship is new and full of great sex and every date is better then the next. I had no idea that the man who told me he loved me (and claims to still) was living a double life ... He is a SWINGER. "Dick" has a split personality aka Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Dr. Jekyll is his public persona that everyone in the community loves and who I adored and Mr. Hyde is his swinging persona that only the select few know. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't live in a bubble and I know that swinging is a very common lifestyle in our neighborhoods and community. Let's face it people, there are swingers living all around us, we just don't know it, because it is a "secret society". Please understand that I am not discriminating. I have no problem with their lifestyle and how they choose to live their lives. If it works for them, more power to them. However, it's not for me. This stems from childhood and the fact that I don't like to share! Back to "Dick" ... This is a man that shared very intimate moments, thoughts and desires with me, but didn't think it was necessary for me to know the lifestyle he lives secretly (well not so secret, because come to find out the entire state knows that he is the "King of Swing" and he has been living this lifestyle for over 10 years). I had no clue and was sucker punched when I caught him with his "swing friend"! Understand he never asked me to "swing" with him. He didn't want to share me. He wanted me all for himself and that's where the "swing friend" comes in. Yes, a "swing friend", who I refer to as a "f*ck buddy" or "friend with benefits", but from what I am told (by him) I am wrong when calling her that. You see, he needs the "swing friend" to participate in the lifestyle parties. Single males are not usually welcome to swing, but single females are. So therefore, I have internalized his relationship with the "swing friend" as "he uses her" to feed his addiction to this lifestyle. This is an addiction for him, because he WANTS to share a fulfilling, loving relationship with one person (doesn't want to share this person), but WANTS the ability to swing (with the "swing friend") every 4-6 weeks to feed his addiction for the thrill of the act. Are you following me? Needless to say, I have learned a lot in regards to the art of "swinging" over the past few weeks. I have been doing a lot of research to try to come to terms with all of this.
Let me share with you my findings. It is very interesting, but also very upsetting (to me).
I have learned that ...
"soft swinging" is when a couple watches others indulge (to put it mildly). It can also involve some playing and/or oral from the others if they choose to take it a little further.
"closed swinging" is when couples swap partners and go into separate rooms to be intimate.
"open swinging" is when couples swap and "indulge" in the same room as their partner. This may also be referred to as an orgy!
Understand that by no means am I a prude! I am comfortable with my body and sex! I am very open and think that exploring and keeping your intimate relations spicy is necessary for a healthy adult relationship, but I need to draw the line here! I could never participate in this type of "sexcapades" (and believe me I can be a freak at times). Once again, we can blame it on the fact that I couldn't share my barbie dolls ... therefore it would be impossible for me to share my man! I could never come to terms that my man was in another room sharing intimate moments with someone else. I would always wonder if he was holding her like he holds me? Is he kissing her as passionately as he kisses me? Does he like what she does better? Is she better in bed? The questions would go on and on and on and I would never be able to handle the situation in any way shape, form or position. This is not about being insecure. I was very secure in our relationship. I had no freaking clue this was going on. Knowing that he lives this lifestyle has made me feel as if our sex life was inferior to the sex he has at the lifestyle parties he attends. He told me that we have shared the "best sex of his life" during our relationship. How could this be? How could I ever rate compared to the experiences that he has had living this lifestyle? I was told it's not about the actual sexual act ... It's about the thrill of it and that we shared a great a sex life that he enjoyed very much.
I have no problem with the lifestyle "Dick" leads (I am not here to judge him or anyone that lives this lifestyle). However, I do have a problem that he did not tell me and that is the issue at hand. In my eyes, I had the right to know and in his eyes, he had the right to privacy. I believe that his right to privacy was flushed down the toilet the minute we became intimate. He put my health at risk and I had a right to know "who I was sleeping with". If he is so comfortable with how he chooses to live his life, why is it such a secret? Why did he share a relationship with me knowing that every 4-6 weeks he needed to go "do his thing"? It will be impossible for "Dick" to ever be in a monogamous relationship with anyone. It will never be exciting enough for him. Can someone please tell me how "Prince Charming" could seem to be so perfect only to turn out to be a "horny toad"?
9 comments:
What I think sucks the most is that he is on this power trip and thinks women are like candy and he can just grab a handful of them out of a candydish whenever he so chooses. And the fact that he LIED to you and HIDE this from you had to be so devastating. In today's world of diseases and such, he had NO right to endanger your health for his cheap thrills. Hey, I am all about cheap thrills, but show some damn respect to the person you supposedly "Love." Well, that's Dick for ya.
I look back and the relationship was full of nothing but lies and deceit on his part. But what did he get out of it? What exactly was he hoping to gain? I can not figure it out for the life of me and I don't think I ever will. I just wish there was a way for me to warn the women in the bordering states of "Dick, The King of Swing". Ya know, maybe with a billboard or a public service announcement on the local cable channel!!! He has no business dating or starting a relationship with anyone that does not live his lifestyle.
I could not agree more, however, driving yourself crazy asking why will not resolve your pain, only prolong it. He was a creep, that is the only reason. There are a lot of them out there in this world often a wolf in sheeps clothing and as much as we try to stay away from them, once in a while we get caught off guard. Take a picture of him, or write his name down on a piece of paper. Go outside and bury it in the ground and walk away.
Hi Phoenix Rose. MI is right. You're the one with the hurt and left asking the questions but the only answers are that this was all on him. You can't have a relationship without honesty and trust. If he had been completely honest with you up front then you couldn't fault him regardless of HIS chosen lifestyle, you would've then been give the opportunity to choose your response. But he wasn't honest. He kept important information from you. A lie of ommision is still a lie. He lied to you.
My wife and I have had discussions about men who cheat. when found out they always seem to use the line "it was just sex, it didn't mean anything, I LOVE you". It amazes me how easy it is for some guys (and women I guess) to separate the emotional from the physical. I've never been able to do that.
And don't even get me started on the health risk he introduced you to.
It hurts now. It will get better. You're definitely better off and please believe that not all guys are like him.
Hi there Phoenix == I sure would be angry and upset too -- As you said, you had a right to know when he became intimate with you because of all the other people you were then sleeping with cuz of him. "Dick" sounds like a very appropriate name for him.
I must admit -- it sure makes me less trusting of men (and some women) because it really can be so easy for people to do lies of ommission and feel ok about it. Hopefully you are getting over him and writing about it is helping.
BTW -- Neat website/blogsite and WELCOME to the world of blogging -- I am relatively new at it myself. Any friend of Malicious' is a friend of mine. :-)
Bruce and Auroraskye thank you both for your kind words of encouragement. The hurt I feel is indescribable and I am sure that in time I will get better. However, this incident has left me scarred and untrusting of people. "Dick" was someone I trusted. I had no reason not to. He is very well liked and a prominent business man in the community. If I knew the day I met him , what I know now I would have never even gave him the time of day. I am privileged to know M.I. personally and she has been huge outlet and good friend to me during this time. Once again I thank you and it is a pleasure to meet you both!!!
VERY nice to meet you too, Phoenix! I can sure understand you being mistrustful of people at this point but for whatever its worth -- try not to let "Dick" win in that way. :-)
It's great to meet you too. Remember, it's hard to imagine right now but the pain will fade and you will learn to trust again and you will meet someone worthy of you. You will heal. But Dick will ALWAYS be a Dick and there ain't no cure for that.
Peace.
And Bruce will always be Bruce and there is no cure for that either. We just learn to live with it. Sigh...it's hard sometimes but we manage. :)
Post a Comment